ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
