thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
