I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
