Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
