I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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