Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
