It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
