Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
