it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
