I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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