All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
