Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
