I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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