I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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