i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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