Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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