I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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