Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
