Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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