Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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