Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
