Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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