She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
