he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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