Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
