Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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