I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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