Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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