I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can't motorboat a personality
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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