Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
