clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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