"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
