Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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