I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
