I want to make a zoo with you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
