How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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