i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
