I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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