he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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