Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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