Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
