omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
