I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
