Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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