Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
