I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
