Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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