He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have already put on my inside pants.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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