No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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