i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
