Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
